I can’t help but think that if for some reason I was put on a stage to compete for ‘Miss America’, I would fail miserably at one particular point in the evening: the talent portion. Unless I decide to take up opera singing, learn baton twirling or practice some sort of dance – I’m hooped.
My current talents consist of:
1. Functioning on only a few hours of sleep
2. Telling stories that don’t always make sense
3. Drinking more than my fair share of beer
4. Eating pizza for all three meals a day (at least twice a week)
5. Making faces in every given situation that can make others feel uncomfortable
So, ‘Miss America’: When will there be a competition for those that are talented in more useful, every day ways. Let’s be serious, when I leave work and I’ve had a bad day I have never thought to myself “Oh – that was a terrible day. I know what will make myself feel better – I’ll tap dance down the road, continue onto the Canada Line home, and burst into a beautiful ballot in which my face will transform and immediately I will end up looking like I’m having physical issues. Yeah! This will be perfect!”.
Watch out TLC. I’m pitching a new reality beauty contest, and it’s not going to be pretty.